We’ve all read the emails. We’ve all heard the answers. When we’re reviewing housemate applications (whether they’re formal or otherwise) some of the terms bandied about seem like they’re OK on the surface…but what do they really mean in practice? Here are some of those magic words, decoded!
The “free” in “free-spirited” means free as in beer, not free as in speech. Will likely eat your (labelled) food, leave dishes in the sink, and host compression sessions with six other mates until 2am on a Wednesday.
“I don’t do drama.”
This housemate will cast the entire flat in a soap opera, using the best bits for an unfilmed show reel entitled “To the Academy: for your consideration.” All that’s missing is the soundtrack.
This type of housemate is infuriating, because they never make a firm decision. It’s like living in the worst date you never agreed to. What do you want for dinner? “Oh, I dunno.” What should we watch tonight? “I’m easy.” Ugh, just pick something!
These types probably grew up not knowing how to operate a dishwasher, because someone did that sort of “manual” labour. They will rather expect you to do it, because you didn’t go to private school. Also, why is this young professional five years into a three-year uni course?
Will play video games all day in their room. May also use finished Monster cans as…er…let’s say substitute bathrooms.
This kind of housemate will not tolerate filth of any kind. If you can’t manufacture microchips in your living room, then the “tidy” one considers it unclean. Expect passive-aggressive notes demanding spotlessness pinned to…everything.
I hope you like all-night parties with bunches of strangers, because that’s what you’ll be staring down the barrel of for what seems like forever. The “friendly” one will try to coax the “quiet” one out of their room with disastrous, boozy results.
The introvert’s worst nightmare. You’ll be cursing the day “unlimited talk and text” was invented. If you don’t have an opinion on absolutely everything, start forming them now.
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