The age old question, ‘if you could go to dinner with anybody…’
What if you get it wrong? Dinner’s over quickly.
Skip the dessert. Pay the bill. Hit the road fast.
Picking a housemate? Dinner chit chat may sound like a good way to pick a winner but what if you get THAT wrong?
Get off my sofa.
Are you wearing my pyjamas?
Tell me you’re not drinking MYYYYYYY WINE.
Unfriend them on Facebook and move on.
So how do you choose?
Test 1: The couch
Let’s not mince words. The couch is the centrepiece of the home.
It’s the home of bad habits. There are no boundaries here. Unconditional, unrequited I-can-still-remember-unwrapping-the-plastic-off-it-type love.
The Game of Thrones butt groove you lovingly sculpted into the couch took work. Real days off claimed as sick days you deserved kind of work.
Ask the question casually … “Do you like Game of Thrones?” If the answer comes back “I don’t really see what the fuss is about” That’s fine. You’re not an animal. Get their stuff, call a cab and send them on their way.
This is definitely not someone you are seriously contemplating sharing the remote with, is it?
Test 2: Sharing is caring
Don’t be fooled by Gumtree or Facebook ads. Set the trap.
Bowl of chips.
A little chocolate.
Start chatting and see what happens…
If they help themselves without asking. They’re out.
What if they ask first? Let’s see if they’ve got any self-control. Just chips you can live with but if they double up, then, well it’s all over.
You don’t have the time or the sticky tape to label everything in the fridge. Is that the kind of life you want for yourself?
Test 3: The emotional rollercoaster
This one’s tricky because they’ve passed test 1 and 2 and to be sure they’re feeling a little cocky by now.
You flick your hair a little and casually mention that you’ve just split up with your boyfriend/girlfriend. This could go either way. “That’s no good” they say. Nothing more is uttered. It’s clear they don’t care. Send them away.
Make no mistake. Your couch doesn’t care what you look like. It keeps safe loose change, finds things that are definitely lost. It is the tireless waiter, holding coffee, beer or wine with almost unfaltering balance, and – most importantly – it’s always there for you after a long day at work. Arms open.
OK. What if they say? “What happened?”
They care. Look we’re close. We’re really, really close.
Test 4: Shifting sands
Please let them be the one. Your voice trembles as you ask…”so what do you do for work?”
You don’t really care what they do for work. You care about what time they wake up and what time they go to sleep. Hey, you party like the best of them. Well, you used to but seriously not on a work night people. Uber eats and chill.
Did they pass? Are they the one? Thank. Goodness.
Hold on. Why are they sitting on my side of the couch?
Choose your next sharer carefully and choose from the comfort of your inner sanctum. Don’t waste time with countless open inspections and awkward situations, but invite the right people over to see how they fit the sofa.
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